Psalm 62:2

He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress, and I will never be shaken.

I have been ill with bronchitis and feeling a bit under the weather however I feel empowered to move forward in my life vs. waiting around for life to happen to me.  :) 

I find that I speak to God more than ever.  I know he is 'speaking' to me, but I am not sure I am hearing everything.  I am open but am I listening with my complete heart?  Am I missing anything and  am I sure I am hearing what he is saying?  Can I misinterpret what he wants me to hear?  I am a bit confused but trust that if he keeps hitting me in the head I will get it. 

I do find that in my everything I have opened up to the past month has really affected how I am learning things in my latest course. (Multicultural Issues)  The class alone has been an eye opener, but with Gods guidance it has really impacted me.  I feel like I am more empathetic towards others all the way around.  How horrible to go through life keeping people down or making them feel bad about themselves.  We all do that enough to oneself.  I don't need anyone else to point out my flaws.  I know exactly what they are.  Why would I want to do that to others especially knowing how it makes me feel.  If I can teach my children this, then I will have made them better people. 

The past few weeks

I know I already posted today, but I am behind and this needs to be done in separate parts.

I haven't told you about 3.5.11 yet and will get to that soon, but I need to speak of the past few couple of weeks. 
After accepting Jesus into my life on of the gals said, in a joking manner, "it gets harder."  We laughed but I knew she was serious.  It was true.  I feel like my life has become so much harder in many ways.  Harder doesn't mean bad it just means more difficult.  I think it is because I see things more clearly and differently.  I feel overwhelmed by a few things and scared about my future.  I'd like to say I feel like the walls are crashing down around me (which they are) but I don't feel that feeling of despair.  I know we will get through it- how by the Grace of God and some real soul searching.  (winning the lottery would help, but I can't rely on that. LOL) 
I have found myself looking at a lot of things differently.  I schedule 30 or so people for phone coverage.  This also includes approving time off for a variety of reasons.  It is very easy to be distrusting in what I do because I need to make sure the business needs are met.  Some people tend to lie for time off or needing to leave early.  Some call in sick repeatedly when you catch them in a lie.  80/20 rule - this is 20% of the people not 80% but that 20% really makes it hard for the other 80%.  I also need to realize these are people just like me.  People with families, kids, church, other commitments.  It is not all about work and the business needs.  How would I want to be treated?  How can I act Christ like in what I do?  Keeping this in mind helps me manage the staff and what I do on a daily basis.  I also let my co-workers know that I realize they are human and have many obligation.  As much as I need to schedule according to business needs, I understand that they may have a sick child or a husband that is in the hospital.  They have a grand daughter that is going to be confirmed and don't want to miss it.  In addition to staffing phones for our business, I need to ensure my staff knows that I support them and consider what is important to them.  (I may not find something they are doing important, but to each person it is all relative..it is important to them and I must respect that.)  A couple of people were recently terminated. Both terminations were justified and needed.  I was relieved, but also felt the need to pray for both these individuals.  One of them lives her life on a path that I would never want to be on.  I don't know her relationship with the Lord or if she has one.  She really needed prayers.  I hope the closing of that door will lead her to one she needs at this time.  I am worried she won't even notice the door she probably needs most.  The other gentleman I know has a relationship with God.  I know, in speaking with him, that he hasn't always made the best choices, but he was working on making better ones.  He called me the next day to ask about some questions regarding his termination.  He was very upset and I told him that I would pray for him, that Jesus died for him and it would be okay.  I could hear him cry and he said thank you so much, I appreciate that.  I have continued to pray for both of these people. 

The one act that I couldn't believe, that I had such a hard time saying....the act of someone (Jesus) doing something (sacrificed on the cross) for someone else (me) just because with no expectations or requirements was actually one of the easiest things to do.  I am not saying it was easy for Jesus, not at all.  What I am saying is that doing something for another person because you can, not expecting anything in return and maybe without that person's knowledge is one of the easiest things we can do for someone.  To behave Christ like in what we do is uplifting, empowering and freeing.  I can feel him work through me everyday.  We are all destined to be great and to do something great.  I am destined to do something amazing!  I am not quite sure what that is, but what a thrill when it all comes together and I realize what that is. :)

I have one question that I need some help with.  I thought becoming closer to God would help in my relationships with people and it has with some.  With others I feel like they are moving farther away or I am realizing how much they are at the other end of the spectrum from me.  Is this possible?  Is this a bad thing?  Sorry for being so vague.

Looking back 2......

After both children were born, we attending Sunday church quite frequently.  Other than that there wasn't any Church involvement or relationship with God.  When McKenna started school, she met what is now one of her closest friends, Kelsie.  The mother of this child was Amie.  Little did I know that God placed her in my life exactly when I needed her...when I need hope...when I needed to realize how much I needed Him.  That was 5 years ago!  Wow I didn't realize it took that long.  How patient God was and how patient and persistant (in a good way) Amie was to keep exposing me, little by little, to Jesus.  She threw out opportunity after opportunity to me and to my family.  We took baby steps and tried a few things.  McKenna absolutely loves going to church with Kelsie.  Her first Wednesday night was at Christ Community Church.  I picked her up and was a bit overwhelmed at all the families everywhere.  She had a blast and begged to go with her often.  Since then Kelsie has moved to Westwood Church and McKenna still loves going on Wednesday nights.  In past years McKenna had CCD on Wednesday's after school.  She would attend our church and still had enough time to make it to Kelsie's!  To this day she does not like going to her CCD class.  She tells me they only do worksheets and memorize prayers.  That sounds boring to me too so I can't really justify making her go.  When I think about it, that could push her away for Jesus.  Austin didn't really mind going.  Ironically he asked me last night if he could go to another church.  Hmmm something to think about. 

In a minute

I just started a new class (Multicultural Issues) and am busy all day at work.  I have also been reading Made to Crave so.....I should have time to catch up this week.  The course I am taking is kicking my behind a bit and I need to figure a routine for the 4-5 items of homework each week! YIKES....I have not forgotten. :)

Looking back.....

Hindsight is 20/20. This is so true and once I finally 'listened' I realized all these prior appointments were leading me up to 3.5.11. I would like to share some of those times with you.

None of it made sense until after and only after I surrendered to Him. Then it was like a light bulb went off. I dated a boy in high school who came from a very spiritual family. His religion was "Free Methodist." I didn't really understand what that meant, but loved attending church with him. His entire family and their families went. Many Sunday's included a large family meal at his house. He was the youngest and the only one at home. All his siblings were older and either away at college or married with their own children. We used to babysit his nieces and nephew. I remember his brother-in-law stating that his daughters could only date boys if they came over for devotions and survived. I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I know it had something to do with religion. (Ironically one of those nieces, attends CCC and I saw her at retreat last year!) His family had a lasting impact on me. I think of them often and cherish the time I was very much a part of their lives. I run into one of them now and again and love catching up. My first bible was given to my by Mary Fullmer. It was her guidance that opened my eyes to more. Keep in mind I was in high school and we all know how 'relationshps' go - LOL. After two years of dating her son, we broke up. Thinking back I don't really remember why but do remember that I was heart broken and devastated. Mrs. Fullmer told me that it would hurt, but my heart should not be filled with a boy, but with the Lord. I was intrigued with this and started reading bits and pieces of the bible. The verse she told me to say was Psalm 61:4- "I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (The version she gave me had different wording) I found comfort in this verse for many years to come and it it will always remain on of my favorites.

For years after that, I sat dormant in my quest for Jesus. I think the next milestone was when I got married. Sean was Catholic and I was baptized Catholic so I considered myself Catholic. In order for us to be married in the Catholic church, I had to be confirmed and have a first communion. I went through an adult class called RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation for Adults.) It was a weekly class led by elders of the church and it was very tough for me. I questioned everything including if this was right for me. My husband and I discussed this because I felt so strongly that our children be raised with a solid religious background. I knew what it was like to not have that foundation (no offense to my parents) but I wanted my kids to always have that and faith. Something more, a higher power to trust in. Our intentions were genuine. I also had my first Communion with my then youngest cousin and his 8th grade class. My family was very proud of both of us and it was wonderful to experience something like that with family. When each of our children was born, they were both baptized into the Catholic religion.

The beginning or the 'so called" beginning......

The beginning started years ago, but my beginning - my realization began on Saturday March 5, 2011!  I am going to give you a little history before jumping back to 3.5.11 and the events of that important day.

I have a Catholic mother and Jewish father.  This stuns most people the first time I say this so I always pause, giving them enough time to take it in.  Neither one wanted to upset either side of the family so  I wasn't really 'given' a proclaimed religion.  Knowing what I know now, this was part of Gods plan for me but at the time and for years after I felt like I didn't have a solid background of Faith to believe in.  I celebrated Christmas and Easter but I also celebrated Passover and Rosh Hashanah.   I was baptized Catholic as an infant (and later had my first communion and confirmation as an adult.)    I rarely if ever went to church for anything unless it was a wedding or funeral but did go to the Synogugue quite a bit.  I remember going to Beth El on friday nights for Seder dinner.  It was always the same meal of salad with a light vinegarette dressing, roasted chicken, potatoes (roasted) and steamed green beans.  I loved it!  We prayed, the Cantors sang in hebrew and there was dancing.  I loved every minute of it.  The whole time I wasn't really sure why I was there other than to have a 'religious' meal.  To this day I can't answer the question of what the meaning behind the meal was. 
I knew I beleived in God, heaven, and hell.  I believed in Jesus and that he was born of the virgin Mary.  I knew that Christmas was about his birth and Easter was about his death but that was about it.  For the most part, this was what I knew of religion. 

Let us jump to 3.5.11.....This was the weekend for the Christ Community Church Women's Retreat!  I was invited by a friend the year before and was looking forward to coming again this year.  The biggest and best part of my weekend was that I truly felt, believed and could say outloud......that...."I believe Jesus died on the cross for ME!  (and for YOU)  A simple phrase was so hard to say outloud.  How could "someone" that didn't know me do "something" like that for me?  Was I worth that?  I had attempted to say it 3 or 4 times before it actually came out and I believed it to be true.  Tears streamed down my face - YES I am worth it!