When we got to the room, we talked more about the conversation I had over lunch and why this was so difficult. We talked through it and she asked about certain things that I believed in. It all came down to letting go, not giving in, but letting go of the control I wanted to have and believing that Christ died on the Cross for ME! (and for YOU) This sounds like it was easy, but it was (up to then) the hardest thing I had done. There was a lot of crying and this took the course of 1-2 hours. After lots of crying and praying, I felt amazing, scared, excited, energized, terrified and free. Not to sound so cliche, I wanted to 'yell from the roof top' that I believed in Christ and allowed him in.
We went to the evening session and I sat there bubbling over on the inside but very reserved on the outside. It was both harder and easier to focus on what we were studying. Finally when the evening was over, Melanie looked at me with a puzzled look on her face. She hadn't know what I 'decided.' I did tell her about the day and again, the tears were streaming down our faces. I was so nervous and excited. There were so many people that God worked through to get me to this special place in my life. God put Melanie right next to me that day to really steer me in the direction I needed to face what I had been avoiding. Unbeknown to me God had put me right next to Melanie for reasons I had no knowledge of. She was also struggling with a direction she wasn't sure she wanted to go. God worked through me to confirm to her what she needed to do too. Again, I know he puts us exactly where we need to be when we need to be there....he put those people in our lives exactly when we need them....but each and every time I am amazed by these miracles.
I am a very self conscious person and have self esteem issues. I needed to say this so you can understand the next 'thing' that absolutely blew me away. I went to sleep that night and all I could hear a l l
n i g h t l o n g was the following song......"Girl your amazing, just the way you are..." I am not sure if you are familiar with the song, but it is by Bruno Marz and I have attached the words:
Just The Way You Are Lyrics
Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are(yeah)
Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me (okay this isn't really the vs that stood out)Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok
You know I'll say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
The way you are, the way you are
Girl you're amazing, just the way you are
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Yeah
This was my confirmation (and became my personal 'theme' song) that everything was going to be fine and this was all real. I finally 'got it.' HALLELUJAH!
